"Man-Up!" - Prioritising male mental health from Primary to Post-16, and beyond

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men" - Frederick Douglass

Reflecting on how schools, society, and digital spaces can nurture healthier men through community, communication and compassion.

How can a boy speak up about how he feels, if he has never been taught how?

We are raising boys in the world that tells them to be tough but not tender, to speak loudly but never about their feelings. Across generations and geographies, the mental health of boys and men has often been overlooked, dismissed, or wrapped in silence. Working with young men in classrooms, especially in international ones, it seems they have to deal with navigating their multiple identities: linguistic, cultural, academic, and emotional. Yet emotional expression remains the least legitimised of those identities.

Recent studies reveal a stark reality: while women are more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety or depression, men are less likely to seek help and more likely to die by suicide, or commit violence. Why? Could it be, in part, because seeking help is often framed as a weakness, and emotional vulnerability is viewed as a failure?

What if we redefine what strength is?

Time and space for reflection, particularly with older boys seems few and far between in schools. Indeed, there is time for reflection regarding work and assessments, but we need to incorporate more time for independent reflection during tutor times, or through peer mentorship. Imagine weekly reflection sessions-a time carved out for discussing failure, successes, identity and struggles with transition? In a boarding school context maybe there is more time. A student once said "I've never seen my father cry, but I think I needed to". That sentence resonated - emotional permission often starts with modelling. As educators we hold more of that modelling power than we realise. And do we communicate to young men that they are allowed to express the full spectrum of emotions in an educational space? If a boy is angry, how does he typically react, and how do we typically respond?

Why is there so much competition?

While the controllers of academic settings often thrive on benchmarks and targets, collaboration fosters mental flexibility and resilience. In group projects, debating, such as MUN and creative writing workshops boys grow more confident not just in ideas but in expression. They learn that they do not have to dominate. Schools seem obsessed lately with grades and of use them as marketing tools, but parents would rather see a happy child at home who got a "6" than a miserable one with a "7". When we place value in collaboration, on "we" over "me" we create educational cultures where empathy is not an add-on, but the foundation.

How can we stay clear of the single story?

In early 2025, Netflix released Adolescence - a hard-hitting drama that exposed the psychological and physically damaging effects of young men disappearing, alone into online extremism. The intention was clear: inform, provoke, protect. But the reaction? Panic.

Educators rushed to integrate it into classrooms. Parents circulated articles. Headlines warned of a generation of radicalised and violent "lost" boys. But what happens when a miniseries that is meant to illuminate becomes a filter through which all boys are viewed?

Shows like adolescence can serve as a valuable discussion tool on online radicalisation, but they also risk flattening a diverse and complex generation of boys into a single, fearful narrative. Boys are not all future threats. Most of them are future helpers: thoughtful, uncertain, young men who need more conversations, not more control. We must distinguish between early intervention and moral panic.

Are boys "lost" or are they "forgotten"?

In the UK, white working-class boys have some of the lowest literacy rates in the country, falling behind nearly every other demographic group by the end of secondary school (DfE, 2023). Globally, under-performance and isolation among this group correlates to growing vulnerability to online radicalisation and the allure of "lone wolf" ideologies. Like everyone these boys don't need generalisations towards them. They need stories. Language. Literacy. Safe spaces to speak.

And if you can't find a safe space in school you seemingly can find it online - Gamers on Twitch, Podcasters on Spotify, Influencers on Tiktok. This is the case is across all "boy-group" demographics - the internet is king. While the Internet can offer valuable resources, it also exposes young men to harmful content and influences. Educators, peers and parents must proactively engage with students about digital health, teaching them to critically evaluate online content and encourage open discussions about the media they consume.

Incorporating digital literacy into the curriculum empowers boys to make informed choices and seek out constructive communities making silence no longer an option, both digitally and emotionally.

Yes, they may be drawn towards harmful influences like the Tate brothers, but they are clearly searching, reaching for something. And we as educators can guide the search towards positive role models, people like Marcus Rashford, people like Lewis Hamilton and his mission 44, Ali Abdaal, Beau Miles or the Hardest Geezer. These guys are all searchable, famous, positive and not corny. Staying in your room, gaming with people across the world, or sitting on your phone do not always have to be looked at with perspective that something nefarious is happening.

The solution isn't more blame. It's about listening and sharing.

What about the community?

Community isn't just a noun, it's an action. It is built in corridors, in assemblies, in post detention chats. Often it seems boys don't see themselves as part of emotional communities. Mentoring schemes in schools can change this. Schools can pair upper school students with lower years for peer lead well-being programmes. This has happened before and the results are surprising. Sometimes the mentor learns more about themselves by verbalising coping strategies. Such reflections point to an unmet need: for boys and young men to not only receive support but to give it, and in doing so develop their own emotional literacy.

Mental health challenges are not uniform. Boys from minoritized races, or non-heteronormative backgrounds often face compounded discrimination and stress. A survey from the Trevor project revealed that 45% of LGBTQ+ youth seriously considered suicide in the past year, with even higher rates among trans and non-binary youth. Nonwhite LGBTQ+ youth in particular experience disproportionately higher rates of depression due to intersecting racism and homophobia.

Evidently students don't need a one size fits all well-being support. They need identity, affirming and culturally competent support. We must stop designing policies for "boys" as a monolith and start designing support systems for boys as they actually are - diverse, complex, sensitive and in need of connection, just like everyone else.

Where are are all the men in schools?

The gender disparity in teaching staff is well documented. In the UK only about 40% of nursery and primary teachers are male, with nearly a quarter of primary schools in England having no male teacher on staff. Similarly in the USA 89% of elementary school teachers are women, and in Australia only 17.6% of primary school teachers are male. You can see this trend as you visit international schools around the world too. Across cultures and borders it still seems patriarchal societies do not see men as necessary at the start of a child's life. Stay-at-home dads are both smiled and smirked at in equal measure, as are male primary staff. They are a marvel, not the norm. But the imbalance doesn't stop there. It it echoed in school counselling where support is needed most. In Sweden only 8.2% of school counsellors are men. In the US about 26% are male.

This matters, especially if we want boys to share their feelings. Boys and men need mentors. Seemingly there is an alarming dearth of opportunities for real-time, face-to-face mentorship to occur in traditional educational contexts, including boarding school; where the perception might be that there is more time considering "in loco parentis". "In Loco Parentis" fails without truly knowing students' intercultural and societal contexts. Without knowing a child, we cannot guide a child.

It matters because when emotional support is only ever modelled by women boys absorb the message, however unintentionally, that care is feminine. Some boys I taught felt like going to the counsellor was like talking to their mum - for a teenager this is usually not a good thing. Therefore boys navigating grief identity trauma or silence may feel disconnected not just from their feelings but from those assigned to help them. Male representation in these fields cannot be a luxury. It is a lifeline.

How do male teachers feel?

Male teachers in international schools often face silent pressures: be stoic, be self-reliant, and most importantly, be emotionally contained. These expectations, combined with high workloads and in some cases ignoring support, contribute to stress, burnout and isolation - yet the psyches of different genders are rarely acknowledged in staff wellbeing policies. For male teachers of colour the challenges are compounded by underrepresentation and bias. Often one of few, their presence can be tokenised and their emotional needs overlooked. Queer male teachers may face marginalisation also having to navigate the outer cultures expectations, often shielded by a school's international "values".

Supporting the mental health of men in schools, particularly those at intersections requires more than surface-level inclusion. We must create cultures that value openness and not shy away from anti-bias training and EDI strategies. When we support the mental health of our staff with the same energy we give our students, we build stronger, safer and more human school communities.

Are men always in the right places?

The leadership gap in international schools reflects the tension more broadly. While women make up approximately 61% of teaching staff globally they count for only 25% of head of school positions. This disparity sends powerful hidden messages about authority, capability, and gender. Another concern is that men are sometimes elevated into leadership roles based on gendered expectations than genuine aptitude, often at the expense of better suited candidates.

For boys and for girls the implications are subtle but significant. When leadership is mostly male, it reinforces a narrow model of success for men: command, visibility, dominance. Boys who don't identify with those traits can feel excluded or inadequate, contributing to anxiety identity confusion or imposter syndrome. Equally, girls may not see themselves in these roles either, and ones that do aspire to these positions can face several challenges and resentment from their male peers.

The issue is that when we see the same type of people in the same type of positions it has outward ripples. Those boys who do not aspire to lead may feel pressured to adhere to a rigid form of masculinity: one that prizes control over collaboration and hubris over humility.

Unconsciously or consciously femaleness is still associated with support and wellbeing, and leadership is connected to maleness. Studies show that students perceive men as stricter leading to greater compliance. Female teachers, especially younger ones, or those of colour are under-supported by male bosses. Female teachers are increasingly patronised, threatened and in some cases attacked by the young men they are supposed to be teaching. We don't need the stereotypical male to burst in barking the boys back into order. We need better men.

By diversifying leadership across gender, background and style, schools can provide young men with a richer spectrum of role models.

If we want boys to lead differently they need to see leadership done in different ways.

How can we find answers beyond school?

Having worked within the framework of MHPSS (Mental Health and Psychosocial Support) as outlined by the World Health Organisation I have come to understand how vital, layered trauma-sensitive approaches are in educational spaces. Whether supporting students navigating transitions, grief, identity or simply the pressure to "perform" this lens can help how we can listen, plan and teach.

It's not about becoming a counsellor in the classroom (with multi-hattedness being a common stressor for educators already) - its about knowing how to create, safety, routine and agency through pedagogy. This approach can ensure emotional wellbeing is embedded into the learning and teaching experience, not tacked onto it - These principles can guide how we run tutor times, respond to safeguarding disclosures and even how we structure group work.

When we integrate MHPSS thinking into school culture, we equip young people to manage life with resilience, not silence.

What does every boy deserve?

When I was taught the musical staff in school it went "Every Good Boy Does Fine" or "Every Good Boy Deserves Food" (EGBDF). What about the complicated ones? The not so good ones? The "cheeky" and "challenging" ones.

This isn't about what boys lack or deserve, its about what they need. Every child, regardless of gender, should grow up with access to emotional language, positive role models, and safe spaces to express who they are.

Having worked in both boarding and international schools I have seen first-hand how many teenage boys are not looking for discipline, they're looking for someone who listens. Someone who is a mentor, more than a lecturer. When that connection isn't offered intentionally and with care, too many boys turn to online echo chambers, or other negative avenues for identity and belonging.

Through mentoring and wellbeing support, which Verdant offers, we can work to provide a healthier alternative, grounded in trust, reflection and real connection.

If we want to raise men who are emotionally resilient, empathetic, loving and collaborative, we need to design our classrooms, our communities, and our conversations with that goal in mind.

Let's stop expecting boys to be bold, alone. Let's be brave and support them, out loud, together.

June is Men's Mental Health Awareness Month.

References

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American Psychological Association (2020) Health disparities in racial/ethnic and sexual minority boys and men. Available at: https://www.apa.org/pi/health-equity/resources/race-sexuality-men (Accessed: 28 April 2025).

Council of International Schools, Diversity Collaborative, International School Services and George Mason University (2021) What the data tells us about diversity in international school teaching staff and leadership. CIS Perspectives Blog. Available at: https://www.cois.org/about-cis/perspectives-blog/blog-post/~board/perspectives-blog/post/what-the-data-tells-us-about-diversity-in-international-school-teaching-staff-and-leadership (Accessed: 20 May 2025).

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International Schools Journal (2019) ‘Female teachers and leadership support in discipline enforcement’, International Schools Journal, 39(1), pp. 32–38.

Netflix (2025) Adolescence. Directed by Nadine Salim. [Netflix Original Documentary].

Pew Research Center (2024) Key facts about public school teachers in the U.S. Available at: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/09/24/key-facts-about-public-school-teachers-in-the-u-s (Accessed: 10 May 2025).

Rice, S.M., Kealy, D., Oliffe, J.L. and Ogrodniczuk, J.S. (2018) ‘Male depression subtypes and suicide risk: A latent class analysis with replication’, JAMA Psychiatry, 75(1), pp. 36–44. https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/2671418 (Accessed: 20 May 2025).

Seidler, Z.E., Dawes, A.J., Rice, S.M., Oliffe, J.L. and Dhillon, H.M. (2016) ‘The role of masculinity in men’s help-seeking for depression: A systematic review’, The Lancet Psychiatry, 3(6), pp. 409–419. https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpsy/article/PIIS2215-0366(16)30002-0/fulltext (Accessed: May 20 2025).

Swedish School Counsellor Association (2023) Gender demographics in school support staff. SSCO Report.

The Trevor Project (2024) 2024 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health. Available at: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2024 (Accessed: 20 May 2025).

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Zippia (2024) School counselor demographics and statistics in the US. Available at: https://www.zippia.com/school-counselor-jobs/demographics (Accessed: 20 May 2025).